Not How…Just When….

We always talked about kids from the early stages of our relationship. There was never a why?, just how....when. We knew what a blessing children would be to our lives, and though, not eager at first, thought one day we would be able to share our abundant life and house full of love with children of our own. Unconventional, yes, impossible, no. We never gave it any thought, and just moved on with our lives. First the honeymoon phase…then starting the company…then Todd joining me at the company…then the company exploding…..then getting married....when was it ever going to be a good time? Well, as she does, Mother Nature nudged us in 2008 when I turned 40. I started doing the math, and if we really did want a family, we better start soon. I mean we were not getting any younger, joints were starting to move a little slower, we were nesting and travel was starting to take it’s toll. I had heard that Surrogacy could take 24 months or so from research to birth. I was surprised by that number, but soon after we began our diligence, we learned 18-24 months without any hiccups was pretty sound estimate and boy, were we right…….

Changing lives in the process

We knew why we were doing this. We wanted to share our lives with a family of our own. We also knew we did not want to pay attorney’s and agencies 40%-50% of the money....By managing it on our own, we could control the cost, and be comfortable with the decisions because they would be our decisions. More importantly, we felt we could change some lives for the better in the process...Ours, Our Egg Donor and Our Surrogate. We would do it differently, we were going to change the way it was done. It was going to be a challenge but we could do it. Our main goal was to make sure both the surrogate and the egg donor receive more for their efforts. It is been a great experience and we are happy to say we have achieved our goal.

The business of having kids...

The more we researched the possibility of having a child, the more the financial reality came into focus. It was going to be expensive. We began with a few references from friends and Internet research. set-up phone interviews with the best agencies, and what we soon found out was two things: 1. This was a business, and 2. People made a lot of money at this business.

We were successful entrepreneurs. We understood the game. We just did not feel comfortable with the whole situation. Deflated, we paused for a few months not knowing what to do. Should we pay the exorbitant fees, or adopt? We decided to be patient, and continue to do research...something would come out of it....

Finding Our donor....

Before we told our families, before we identified the facility that would help us have our family, we needed something all same sex couples need....A donor! We wanted someone with a free spirit and passion for the arts, much like Todd's deceased brother. Someone who also displayed academic achievement, and a love for life. We both enjoyed people like this and we felt a donor with these traits would fit well into the structure we could provide. That is the wonderful thing about going through the family process this way....it makes you think about what you want, and at some level you do have choice. We found a wonderful donor who we spent a lot of time with. We wanted to have an open donor where should our children turn us in 15 years and ask about their biological mother, we would have an answer. The donor not only was open to this but impressed us with her passion for life, intelligence and inner beauty. We had found our donor...

Our IVF Home and our Surrogate Angel

We searched and searched and found an IVF clinic and Hospital in Panama that was affiliated with John Hopkins. It was the nicest Hospital we'd ever been too. It had been built to service the tens of thousands of American Ex-Pats in the country. Our OB was a talented Panamanian Born ,Standford educated physician would and was very excited to help us with our journey. Best of all though.....was the impact for our surrogate. Her life would change forever by the investment she was making with us. The experience would change her life and for the better. Our surrogate was going to use the money to buy a house for her and family. A single mom, she was in school to be a nurse technician, and this experience would literally change her life.

The new buzz word in surrogacy is "Gestational Surrogacy" (more on this later). Again, this means the woman carrying the child(s) is not the egg donor, so there is not genetic connection with the mother. From an emotional and legal standpoint, this was the best option for us.

We were ready to start our adventure. We had everything lined up....or so we thought we did.....

Why Panama?

We researched for several months the perfect location to have our babies. After interviewing several agencies and clinics we settled on IVF Panama at John Hopkins Hospital in Panama City, Panama. They have an amazing program, were recommended by several families who had used them. In a coincidence a high school classmate also used the clinic. Medical costs are also less expensive in Panama for the same class of care. These reasons and only being a short flight from South Florida made it the perfect fit for us.

What is Gestational Surrogacy?

OK, for all of our friends and family where this concept is foriegn, don't worry, we didn't know much about it either. Couples who can not conceive children in the traditional way turn to surrogacy. Something that has become even more frequent in the last ten years is the concept of gestational surrogacy. Couples choose a egg donor who donates her eggs, and then a separate surrogate to carry the baby to term. The surrogate mother is carrying a baby that is genetically unrelated to her. She becomes pregnant through in-vitro fertilzation. That is how we did it!
If you want to learn more about the process Click Here

The Egg Donation and IVF Process

Well everything seemed to be going well as we prepared for the first egg donation and IVF process. We got all of the testing completed and calendars cooridnated (between, us, the surrogate the IVF facility and our doctor), and we were good to go. We spent a week with our donor during the egg donation process, in Panama. We gave her space, but we also got to know her quite a bit. What a wonderful, ambitious positive young woman. We were confident our interaction with our donor, something we very much wanted, will give us the opportunity to communicate to our children the type of person she is.
With the egg donation complete. We were ready to have a baby!

One, Two, Three Times A Baby

We asked a lot, and I mean a lot of questions over the last two years. With all of the talk of the modern technology, we were told since we had a young surrogate and a young egg donor, we should have about a 70% chance of getting pregant with each IVF process. Well, it didn't happen the first time and we were surprised how emotional it was. We had told close friends and family we were trying, which I think made it harder...after the second time, they just stopped asking. But the third time....

They Say 3rd Time is a Charm

It's been a while since we posted. It was a joyous yet emotional summer. We got married on September 6th, in a wonderful Vermont Wedding. but the IVF process was tough. The egg donation process went well, but then back to back IVF's that did not result in pregnancy were emotional for us. Much more emotional than we ever thought. Part of this was the true desire to have children, but more so, was the faith in technology had prescribed to. It is a biologic process, and sometimes it takes time. Actually, the average number tries for IVF is 3 times. No one told us that. Our OB had also mentioned to us because, our donor and surrogate were in their 20's our chances were around 70%.

But at six weeks, our surrogate went through what they call a BioPregnaancy when the body rejects the embryo...we were sad, and decided to take a little time off...we needed to re-group...

Another donor search....

It's been almost six months since we posted. It was a kick in the stomach after we lost our last transfer. We were pretty upset....our OBGYN suggested we take some time and because we had done three unsuccessful attempt....and find a new donor. This was hard because we had really enjoyed getting to know our first donor. She was wonderful. However, after thinking on it long and hard, we decided it would be best.

We started another donor search and found a wonderful young woman, who was the perfect fit. A beautiful girl, who was getting her masters in psychology and a minor and anthropology. We really enjoyed our time with her and she agreed to be our donor.

After a year, we were back at the starting gate, but we had a renewed sense of purpose and ready for our family... We went back down to Panama in March for our fourth transfer...We have told close friends and family that yes, the transfer has gone well and we are pregnant with twins. . We are going to let the world know after memorial day...
Boy, we've met some great people along the way.....we will keep you posted!

4th times a Charm with Twins!

After three egg donoations and 3 IVF's we were still excited about the process. It was emotionally hard but we really want a family.
The fourth time with our new egg donor was the winner. We are pregnant with twins! Not expected, but we are truly excited.
We waited until the end of the first trimester to announce it as we were a little gun shy, but everything to date ( Thank God) has been positive and normal with a twin pregancy. We are at 14 weeks and about to tell all of our friends and family. "
We are going to our next visit in three weeks and we will find our the sex of the babies. We will keep you posted. Estimated due date is mid to later November. Because it's twins we have a chance they will come early. But if all goes well, we will have two beautiful babies to be a part of our world...it is going to be a wonderful ride!

Words can't describe it...

We have been flooded with kind words, advice, looks of wild-eyed expectation, but right now we really don't know what it is going to be like.

We thought this was a great passage from "Dad's Pregnant Too" by Harlan Cohen, and thought we would share:

" ....It is something programmed into our DNA that's activated during this process. And when the switch is flipped and it happens, the world will change forever. It's an emotional state so powerful and all-consuming there are no words for it. Don't worry about not feeling it right away. It will happen, but when it happens will vary. It could be immediately after the birth, or an hour, a day, a week, or a few months later - but it will happen. It's not something you need to force. No matter the heaviness or happiness of the moments leading up to the birth , it will all be worth it. The adrenaline rush of fatherhood is better than any drug - once the initial surge subsides, the feeling lingers forever. It's what bonds us to the baby.
From conception to coming home, the whole journey is exhilarating, exhausting, and awe-inspiring. It's something you'll probably want to do again and again. And while you might in fact do it again and again, savor the first time - the first is a once-in-a-lifetime experience.

Enjoy the adventure ahead...."

Study Shows Same Sex Couples Parenting An Asset

Children of same sex couples do well Being raised by a gay couples is no hindrance to healthy psychological development and may actually be an asset, according to a study which tracked the first generation of children conceived by lesbians through donor insemination is coming of age.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/37553783/ns/health-kids_and_parenting/from/ET

12 week Sonogram

Boy, did this make it real!

Seeing the twins...affectionalely named baby A & Baby B at 12 weeks, via sonogram, was very exciting. IF you want to see the twins at 12 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L6UYhQ1uLSk

We find out the sex next week June 18th.

We will keep you posted.....so to speak...

A Very Nervous Trip to Panama

Its been a few weeks since we last updated, but we did find out the gender of the twins and we are happy to report that it is one boy and one girl! Un nino y una nina as they say in Panama.

We arrived in Panama on Thursday, June 17 and were suppose to be home on Friday, June 18 after the sonogram. Our surrogate had a family emergency the day Needless to say we were disappointed, but it was out of our hands. We still kept the appointment and met with the doctors who assured us that everything was perfect. They showed us the sonogram photos and talked us through the lastest results.

We asked if they could call the surrogate and see if she would be available to come in the next morning. Although we had talked through the results, the doctor was unable to tell us the sexes of the babies and that was all we had thought about when we had planned the trip.

The surrogate agreed and we all met again the next morning. It wasnt a total loss, because after all, the World Cup was being played in South Africa. If you know anything about Central and South American Countries, they love their futbol and we were enjoying it also. We had a nice dinner and chose our apartment for our time in November in Panama.

The next morning we were again excited to get to the hospital and happily, on June 19, 2010, the moment was finally made real to us. We took a picture with her and waited for the sonogram to begin. All parties were now in the right place at the right time.

The doctor turned on the equipment and we faced the monitor. In seconds we could shapes and were absolutely amazed. Our eyes were glued as we saw both babies and heard their strng heartbeats. Not even thinking about the sexes, the doctor asked if we wanted to know. Of course we said yes and the first one was confirmed as a little girl. Nothing but smiles... we had a Daddies little Girl. We now focused on the second baby and there it was...the second baby was a boy.

We could have stayed in there all day watching that screen. Eyes welling and overcome with emotion and happiness, we knew it was time to go. It was a strange feeling knowing you have to leave your unborn children in another country, but again out of our control. As soon as we left, we could not wait to share the news with out family and friends. Skype is the best! The support, love and prayers they (you) have given has been a true blessing.

The Names

Annabelle Rose & Samuel Robert!

We were so excited after our trip to find out the sex of the twins and as our OB said the second trimester would be relatively quiet. We have focused on work, and started preparing for our twins arrival. Looking at new houses, and deciding on the important things, like names! Yes, names. Here is a great poem, Todd wrote about the babies names and how we announced it to the family. It was very cool and fun. Enjoy the poem, and find out our kids names!

Hey Everyone!It is coming fast and Sam and Belle are doing great. See photos here: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=212976&id=1104503349&l=73639e5b88 The doctors say they may even come a few weeks early as they are running out of room. They are very healthy and are snuggling against each other in the womb. It was an amazing experience to see them yesterday via ultra sound. There was another couple here who is also going through the process, who are about 1 month behind us. Fantastic folks who we have become friends with. We went out to dinner with them and our OBGYN. It was a very special night. Talk to you soon!